With a Smile
by naitheas
Summary: Love ... Power ... Betrayal ... A deadly concoction that will rock the friendship of two of the greatest gundam pilots to have ever existed, and leave one girl shaking in its wake.
1. after

**w i t h a s m i l e**

**by naitheas **

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Welcome to my Gundam Wing fic This fic contains, angst, suicidal tendencies, death, love, and possibly lime in future chapters. So if you're not into that kind of thing, keep reading and I'll convert you! ;) The passages that are in italics (not including the starting poem, of course) are in a past-time period, almost exactly a year prior to the present-day passages. Certain details will be left out of the story, to keep the suspense going, but if you get confused, please include that in your review, and I'll try to help you out

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_I face the world with a smile,_

_no one knows what i hide inside.  
They see only happiness,_

_they can't see the tears I've cried.  
When I am alone I hurt,_

_because here I do it well.  
Now in front of all the watchful eyes_

_ my heaven will turn to hell._

{...}

Relena gripped her arm tightly, rocking herself back and forth on the bed. Slowly lulling the pain to sleep. It's been a year now. One year since she was betrayed by a person her heart had thought it understood, and because of it, lost a person it had not. In that time, she had first isolated herself, and many had taken it for mourning. _She had loved him,_ they said, _They were engaged._ After mere weeks the public was content with her respectful amount of time secluded in his name. However, weeks soon became months, and the people began to question. To whisper. _Maybe she feels guilty,_ locked in her room she could still hear their suspicions, _Perhaps she was cheating on him. Perhaps she murdered him._ Relena shivered, her warm tears burning down her ice cold skin. They were wrong, she knew it. But even now when that had been proven, she could still feel their accusing stares boring into her back, like writing engraved on a headstone. At that time, though, the citizens of the Sanc Kingdom and their speculation had prompted action from her brother, Milliardo.

In March, two months after she had begun to isolate herself from the world, she had been taken to a psychiatrist. Relena still remembered the man's concerned look when he had seen her wrists ... her entire arms. His shock when she had mumbled, _I want to die ... let me go ..._ Milliardo paid for the expenses of the Mental Ward. She was forced to spend the spring, and half of summer in that room. Constantly being monitored, desperate for something sharp. Anything. Somehow, she felt responsible for his death, and somehow, she needed to make herself pay for that. He had not deserved that fate.

She did.

On the thirtieth of June, she was called in to be examined once more. This time, Relena wasn't fooled – she was aware that admitting her heightened desire for pain would only keep her in the ward longer. And she wasn't sure how much longer she could take before she really did go insane. _I understand what I was doing was wrong,_ she had told them, with a modest smile gracing her lips, _I can't believe what I was thinking._ How could the examiner resist? This was Relena Peacecraft, the golden child of peace and hope for their world.

A day later she was free.

Two days later and her hands were stained with blood once more.

_Why are you doing this?_ Her brother caught her once again, and she had hung her head in shame. _What happened that night? I'm your brother, for Gods sake!_ He had taken hold of her shoulders in both hands, forcing to her to look him in the eye for the first time in what seemed like years. _Why can't you tell me?_ Relena had stared at him, unmoving, not answering. Not unlike a living doll, merely going through the motions of what was expected.

The following week, she was admitted into the ward once more. Milliardo had visited her daily. He would talk to her as if everything was normal throughout his visits, despite her refusal to utter a word in response. His parting words were always the same, _If you ever want to tell me what happened, I'm here. I'll always be here for you, Relena._ She wished he would just leave, and never come back. She had heard those words before. They only helped her to remember him ... That was the last thing she wanted.

_Why couldn't he just die?_ She would murmur to herself at night, staring out the window. They were the only words she had said all day.

The same cycle, in and out of the ward, repeated itself through the rest of summer, then into autumn and the beginning of winter when, finally, she was released once more. Relena had since made a point of making public appearances, attending conferences and press meetings. _Relena Peacecraft returns in good health,_ the headlines read. As long as the golden child pretended to be happy and healthy, they were happy. And when they were happy, Relena could finally retreat to her room ...

She lifted her hand, and found it to be covered in a sticky red substance. Blood. She wasn't surprised. Her cerulean eyes averted to her arm, the cuts on it still warm. From the floor where she sat, she reached up to pull out a tissue from the bedside table. In an almost meticulous fashion, the "princess" cleaned up her small mess, then tucked the waste under the mattress. She would attend to that later. Sighing, she leant her head back against the bed, and stretched out her bare legs. It was these few minutes before bed that she could finally be by herself... In these few minutes she could relive that whole night... the night her lover, her fiancé, Heero Yuy was murdered...

{...}

_I laughed, the wine in my glass dancing in time with the people on the floor before me. "Well," I smiled at my companion, Quatre Winner, "I doubt that –" In mid-sentence, I stopped, startled by the feeling of an arm snaking around my waist. Quatre's baby blue eyes lifted in surprise, and the face of Duo Maxwell appeared in front of me. I blinked. "Good Afternoon, Mr Maxwell." I murmured bemusedly, and held up the champagne bottle. "Care for a drink?"_

_Duo grinned and helped himself. "How you been, Miss Relena?" He asked, taking a swig straight from the bottle, while his eyes bored into mine. Beside me I felt Quatre stiffen, although I had no idea why. This was Duo after all, we were all trusted friends. _

_"I've been well. And you?" I couldn't help but giggle as he tossed the emptied bottle carelessly behind him, into one of the guests meals. _

_"Good, bad, happy, sad," He winked, "You know how it is. I've been hearing a lot about you, you know." His eyes held a mischievous glint to them, but that wasn't exactly unusual._

_"Oh have you, now?" I humored him, "I wonder what the press has got me doing this time..." _

_Duo grinned, " Well, apparently, you've gone off and got engaged!" He scoffed, "And to none other than Heero Yuy." _

_I felt Quatre's hand on my shoulder, and I looked up at him distractedly, "Yes?"_

_"I'm just going to wander around a bit, alright?" He asked politely, "Will you be ok?"_

_I raised an eyebrow, "Of course, I'm sure Duo's more than capable of looking after me." On seeing his solemn look, I nodded, reinforcing the fact. "I'll be fine. Don't you worry about me." I then turned back to Duo, who was staring hard at Quatre's disappearing back. It struck me that he was acting rather odd today... Hm. I shrugged it off. _

_"Yes, well, I'm afraid that certain rumor has a hint of truth to it." I couldn't suppress the elated feeling in my stomach whenever I thought of it. I was going to get married to Heero Yuy. The love of my life. It seemed like a dream come true. I had never been so happy nor so relieved. _

_Duo's suddenly serious expression had me worried though. "What? What is it? You of all people shouldn't be surprised! You know how long I've loved him."_

_"Heero," His voice sounded strangled, almost. "Heero doesn't seem the type to commit himself to marriage."_

_I shrugged lamely, "To tell the truth, I thought the same thing. Well," I laughed lightly, "Actually I didn't think he was the type to hold any kind of romantic relationship. But here we are," I flashed my hand at him, giving him a glimpse of the diamond ring that signified Heero's proposal. _

_Duo whistled, and pulled up a chair for both himself and i. We sat down, and I folded my legs, patting down my dress so that nothing unlady-like showed. "That's one big rock," he remarked. "How long were you guys going out before this happened?"_

_I pursed my lips, thinking. "Um, about two months or so." He didn't seem happy with my answer, as his eyes darkened while they stared at the ground. "But, you know, we've known each other for years now."_

_"I know." His expression looked strained, as if he was mentally debating whether or not to say something. In the end – and I could tell from his face – he decided, what the hell, I've got nothing to loose. "But it doesn't bother you that for the majority of that time you've known each other, he was out to murder you? It hasn't crossed your mind that there might be some ulterior motive behind all of this?"_

_I frowned. What was with the accusations? Heero loved me, he'd told me so. The genuine smile on his face as I accepted his proposal, told me so. When we were together ... God, it was indescribable. As for the death threats, we had been children then. He knew nothing but his need to complete those missions of his, and I had respected that, but now it was behind us both. We had moved on ... why couldn't Duo see that?_

{...}

"Miss Relena?" Sunlight streamed into the room, and the young woman pulled the covers over her eyes. Why wouldn't they let her sleep? Hell, the longer she slept the less time she spent feeling suicidal. She groaned, rolling onto her back.

"Miss Relena, remember you have a brunch date this morning, with Mr Maxwell." Relena froze, and pulled down the blanket just enough for her eyes to see out.

"What are you talking about? I was informed of no meeting." She fought to keep the panic out of her voice. She couldn't see Duo ... it was less than a week until the anniversary of Duo's death. Surely he wasn't here to... "Cancel the meeting, I was not prepared for it, and do not wish to be in Mr Maxwell's presence at this point in time."

The maid stared at her, "But, my lady, what am I to tell Mr Maxwell? He is downstairs waiting as we speak."

Relena stopped breathing. Duo was here. Downstairs. "Tell him," She finally took a breath, and her hands moved to massage her temple. This was too much, she couldn't deal with this. "Tell him that Miss Relena feels unable to attend this morning due to an unexpected illness." She nodded to herself and sank back under the blanket, her mind light with relief.

Sleepily, she listened to the footsteps of the maid move to the door, the click of the door opening, and the gentle thump as it closed. Relena smiled – alone again. Careful not to make to much noise herself, she slid out of bed and padded across the carpet to her en suite. Yawning, she glanced into the mirror. Pale skin, matted blonde hair, and heavy bags shadowing her eyes. No change. Relena then proceeded to strip off and slipped into the shower, drowning herself in scorching hot water.

{...}

_"Heero!" Quatre had finally found him on the balcony, staring out moodily. The brunette's hand signaled Quatre to come closer. _

_"What do you want." He demanded, still not looking at his blonde ex-comrade. _

_Quatre laughed, "Some people never change." He answered, walking over to stand next to him. "Nice party."_

_"It's all Relena's doing." Heero told him. "I don't even know why we're celebrating my birthday, let alone on this day. I don't know when I was born." He tugged at his tie, loosening it. Damn black tie events were a pain in the ass. _

_"Nor do you care, I'm guessing." The blonde young man prompted, and Heero nodded. "You know Duo's here..."_

_Heero's prussian blue eyes sought out his friend's. "What? I told him I didn't want to see him again. Ever."_

_Quatre bit his lip, "He's not here to see you-"_

_"Then –"_

_"He's here to see Relena." He finished, grimacing at his own words._

_"Fuck." The retired assassin ran a hand through his hair frustratedly. "He'd have to know by now of our engagement. The press have been on it for weeks now. Relena would never ..." He trailed off, glaring into the twilight darkly. "I want him out of here."_

_"Good luck on that one. Relena has no idea, and it'd probably be best if we didn't tell her. But," Quatre sighed, "If we don't tell her, she won't want us to," He coughed, "escort Maxwell out." He smiled in an attempt to lighten the mood, "Duo hasn't really done anything wrong, you know. I doubt he'd try anything around so many people."_

_Heero's hand curled up into a tight fist. "He loves her." He spat. "A man does crazy things when he's in love._

_I would know."_

{...}

ta da! First chapter of my first ever Gundam Wing fic. Hope I haven't confused anyone too much, but some certain _details_, should we say, about Heero's death, will be left until the very last moment ;)

review!!!

-naith


	2. guilt

**w i t h a s m i l e **

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**c h a p t e r 2**

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Here's chapter two! Many thanks to those that reviewed last time, I hope this fic continues to please :)

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"RELENA!"

The young woman had just got out of her shower, and stood shocked, clutching her towel tight to her chest. That voice, she hadn't heard it for so long... Her grip on the towel tightened, causing her knuckles to turn to an even more of a god-awful pale than usual. Almost subconsciously, she glanced in the mirror again and sighed. She was so far from the young, vibrant beauty she had been before. Why did he want to see her like this? Why would anyone?

"Go away, Duo." She said softly, turning to stare at the closed door. Hadn't the maid already told him she couldn't see him? Relena bit her lip, cursing - of course Duo wouldn't have listened. It was rare for him to listen to anyone.

"Relena!" She heard him call again, having obviously not heard her. A second later the door flew open, and she screamed, frozen like a rabbit caught in headlights. Duo ... the ache in her heart intensified, while a stab of fear flashed through her mind. He was so ruggedly handsome, so much more like a man than when she had seen him last. _Why?_ Her mind screamed, _Why did he have to come back?_ She wanted to run, to break down and cry, to be cradled and comforted in his arms.

"My thoughts betray me." She spat, producing a glare from somewhere beneath. From that little place inside that knew she should hate him with every fibre of her body.

His dark blue eyes, however curious as they may have been otherwise, could not bring themselves to leave her face. Bloodshot cerulean eyes, pale skin, the "princess" he had once known appeared so drawn and hollow ... _What had he done?_

"Relena," He whispered, taking a step closer. The past year and not been kind to her, and it was his entire fault. Did she even understand why he had done what he had done? He was sure that Yuy had never told Relena what she meant to him, how, everyday he would wake up, alone, far away from the Sanc Kingdom, wondering what she was doing. If she was in Heero's arms, sleeping softly as Heero (the lucky bastard) stroked her soft blonde hair from her face in a sign of affection that was rare to see. It had killed Duo, staying away from her to help his "best friend". And when he had been invited to Heero's birthday party ... it was murder. Literally, he thought with a sadistic smile tugging at his lips. He pushed it down.

"I'm sorry." He told her, watching as her face contorted into one that was straining not to collapse into tears.

"You..." She whirled around to face the wall with passion, as if merely the look of him disgusted her. "You ... I _saw_ you do it." Finally the heart-wrenching sobs broke loose, wracking her entire body. Without thinking, Duo moved closer and pulled her to him.

"Shhhh... It's alright... Shhhh." He rocked her slowly, feeling the guilt that had lain down upon him for years escalate impossibly further.

"I saw you follow him outside," Relena choked, before pushing him away. The pain in her eyes shimmered, "I saw you call out to him, and the way he looked like he was about to strike you out of anger." She stared hard at the friend she had once adored, not bothering to stop the flow of tears, "I didn't know why he was so angry at you, and I still don't." She sunk to the cold tiled floor and wrapped her arms around herself, "But I know you killed him. I can remember the exact look on your face as you pulled the trigger, like a man possessed.

You were his _friend_, Duo," Relena cried.

"You were his friend …"

{…}

_"Duo." The menacing growl of his name caused the playful brunette to laugh and sling an arm over my chair. He leaned close to my ear and his warm breath whispered something about how uptight Heero was. I wasn't listening too carefully – his closeness was making me light in the head. Or perhaps that was the alcohol. Anyhow, I giggled in a manner quite unlike my usual self, and glanced up at my fiancé, whose deadly serious expression didn't faze me in the least._

_"Heero," I greeted him warmly, and gestured for him to pull up a chair. "Duo and I were just discussing you."_

_Heero rose an eyebrow and sent a meaningful look towards Duo, "I'm sure you were."_

_The shinigami grinned and slapped him on the back, "Long time, no see, buddy. I was beginning to think you were dead! That was, until, the papers crushed my hopes by informing me you were engaged." His laugh, chorusing with my own, was strangely hollow. Heero's eye's darkened, and I knew only too well what that look meant._

_He was suspicious of Duo. But why? They had always been such close friends; surely a couple of months apart couldn't have changed that. And Duo was always kidding around … I frowned. There was definitely something deeper going on here that I didn't know about._

_The two chatted a little more, in what I would consider to be a very one-sided conversation. I watched Duo's face meticulously, as if doing so would give me some kind of clue. Unfortunately, he didn't give anything away. He seemed the same as he had always been. I sighed in defeat, and lay a hand on Heero's thigh. He threw me a questioning look. "Could I talk with you for a moment?" I smiled sympathetically in Duo's direction, "It's kind of… uh… personal."_

_He shrugged, "Whatever you want, princess."_

_"What's wrong with you?" Once well away from ear shot I spun on him, catching Heero by surprise. "He's your best friend and you're treating him like dirt. I know you two haven't seen each other in –"_

_"Don't talk about things you don't understand." Heero cut me off, his tone low and serious. His eyes, as hard as steel as the bored into mine own were unnerving. I shivered, and moved closer to him for warmth. His arms drew me closer, and I sniffed into the hollow of his neck. _

_"Doesn't mean you're forgiven." I muttered._

_I could almost feel him smile in spite of himself. "I know that. But you should know … things haven't exactly been "peachy" between Duo and I recently. He was staying away from the kingdom for a reason, you know." He had begun playing with my hair again, tucking it behind my ear and uncoiling the braids. It was an odd habit of his I had grown used to. _

_"Why, then?" I pressed on, "What went wrong?"_

_Heero just kissed the top of my head softly, "Do you trust me, Relena?"_

_"Of course." What kind of question is that?_

_"Then stay out of it. It's not a situation you should try taking into your own hands." His grip on me tightened, and I got the feeling that he felt Duo was threatening me somehow. I shook my head, he wouldn't do that. Duo was my friend. Our friend. I trusted him with our lives._

{…}

Duo had retreated into her bedroom, letting Relena dress in peace. If not peace of mind. He couldn't tell what she thought of him. All he could see when he had looked at her curled up on the bathroom floor was a broken girl – a mess of legs, hair and tears. Yet the feeling was still the same. The fire in her eyes hadn't completely died yet, and he wasn't going to let it extinguish. Ever.

He let himself lay back on the bed, and tossed off his shoes. She sure was taking awhile. Mmm, he could still smell her on the sheets, like flowers … and blood. Duo sat up straight. Blood… he could recognise that scent anywhere, but why here? He frowned; perhaps his actions had caused her more pain than he'd thought.

"Ahem."

Duo's eyes wandered up, and stared. Relena … God, it was a transformation. Here, _here_ was the gorgeous girl he had known. Creamy, flawless skin, almost glowing, and her long blonde hair so smooth and sexy as it fell down her shoulders, no flimsy plait to hold in the school-girl charm. Her simple white sundress clung to her curves, almost teasing him.

"Like what you see?" Relena asked him dryly, "It's a wonder what make-up, a hair-dryer and a few items of clothing can do." She sat down on the plush cream chair facing her bed, as well as the floor length windows that looked out onto the Sanc kingdom.

"You're beautiful." He told her sincerely, leaning forward to lean on his knees.

Relena snorted, "Poor Duo, you never were the sharpest of boys. Even after seeing me like that before, you still believe this façade. Trust me; if it weren't for the media, this _I_ wouldn't even exist. Actually," She thought aloud, "I doubt any me would exist." She turned her head and called for the maid. "Care for tea? That _is_ apparently why you came, after all."

"You don't have to put on a mask for the public," He ignored her question, "They've seen you grow up; they don't care if you don't look pretty, or act proper."

Relena raised her eyebrows, "Perhaps not, but judging by the way I was shipped off to numerous amounts of psychiatric wards this past year, I've learnt it certainly helps to follow the stereotypical view of a princess. Or ex-princess, whatever they want to call me."

"Psychiatric wards?"

"What, don't you know what they are? You know, the mental house. Nut Cracker. Loony bin." She waved her hand around in a careless manner, "They have many names for it."

"But …" It seemed Duo was having trouble coming to terms with it. "_You?_"

"Mmm." She threw him a mocking smile, "And all because of you. Don't you feel privileged?" It wasn't really a question. The maid then captured her attention, and prevented her from noticing Duo's pained grimace. Never in a million years had he thought that … that she would … He shuddered. _Were you really worth it, Heero? Was your life really worth the sanity of this girl before me?_

Despite appearances, Relena wasn't the girl he had known last year. She was cold, bitter, and heavily depressed. Rightfully so, too, he thought to himself. He pushed a hand through his hair in frustration – what had come over him that night?

"Biscuit?"

Duo jumped a little, startled out of his thoughts by the question.

"Feeling a little edgy today, are we?" Relena said icily, "I thought ex-assassins were always on their guard … but apparently after you murdered my fiancé, there was no further need to be." Admittedly, although she had dreaded seeing Duo again (all the conflicting feelings were giving her a migraine. She'd decided that pushing all of them down save anger was immensely easier) some strange part of her had been looking forward to confronting him. Making him feel as guilty as she had felt. Even when she hadn't necessarily done anything wrong.

"Listen," He started, taking the cookie but not eating it, "I'm sorry for –"

Relena shook her head in disgust, "Don't say sorry! Don't _apologise_ when you don't even _care_ that your best friend is dead. You killed him, Duo, and when someone kills a person with that look of such hatred in their eyes, it isn't something they're going to regret." She stirred her coffee with aggression, the silver spoon making loud clinking noises against the cup. Duo glanced at it almost nervously, before looking back at her now-expressionless face. "As far as I know, there wasn't even any _reason_ for you to have something against Heero. And most certainly wasn't any reason to end his life! _Is there_ a reason, Duo?" She pursed her lips, "Or was it just something you did for kicks."

{…}

_"Relena had to go talk with her mother. Something about the wedding." Heero sat, rigidly composed, on the plush silk lined chair, his fingers moving over the hand rest in contemplation. "You still love her, don't you?"_

_Duo's hand curled up into a fist. That's why Heero had broken up their conversation. "Afraid she's going to suddenly fall for me, Heero? It isn't like you to be so unsure of yourself."_

_Heero's dark eyes narrowed into slits, so this is what this "friendship" had amounted to, then. Fighting over some girl. Meh. "No," He answered carefully, "Relena could never love someone like you. What would she ever see in "the god of death", after all?" _

_Duo growled, deep and low in his throat. He was consciously aware of the priest's uniform he wore now, and could just imagine that smug smirk Heero must be holding in. Bastard, he thought. "She'd see a man that genuinely cares for her. Not some arrogant jerk that only proposed because if he didn't, it might just look as if he lost in a battle with his "friend"." _

_"I love her. And what's more, she loves me. What?" He mocked darkly, "You thought this was all about you? You, Duo Maxwell, have nothing to do with this, or us. Don't flatter yourself." It was probably the most words Heero had ever spoken consecutively. And he hadn't finished, either. "Now leave here. Don't come back. Relena knows something's up, here, and I haven't told her what. At least I've saved your dignity. She would've only rejected you."_

_His words, although neither of the two knew it at the time, would haunt Duo for the rest of his life. _

_"That's not true." He said softly, now, looking at his feet. "You've blinded her. You've blinded her to everyone but you, and you know that if given a chance…. You're not the one she would've chosen."_

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Hope you liked that chapter, once again, thanks to those that reviewed, and I'll try to update soon.

Review!!!

-naitheas


	3. runaway

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A/N: thanks to zee reviewers, I'm so glad you guys like it so much =) (especially to marlicat coz it's really nice of you to look at someones fic when they ask you to in their review. Mwah!)

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"It wasn't planned …"

The words clashed with the awkward silence, and Relena shuffled uncomfortably in her chair. Did she even want to hear this? Hadn't she been through _enough_? She chewed on her lip nervously, and stole a quick glance at the Shinigami. His face, unusually solemn, stared back at her. Unmoving, unnerving. She shivered, _This__ is probably the way he looked at Heero before he killed him,_ her mind ventured, and her eyes closed in a pained grimace. __

"Heero had told me to go, and he made it clear that I had no other choice," Duo continued, feeling another stab of guilt as he took in the clear display of emotions that played across the young woman's face. "I didn't want to leave …" His voice trailed off and he stared at the floor.

"Why," She hissed, her eyes full of pain, "Because if you left your thirst for blood wouldn't be _satisfied_??" Her tone was incredulous, forced out as if the words would stain her pretty pink lips. "I don't want your whole fucking account, Duo. You don't think I've relived that night enough for a lifetime?" Relena scoffed, "You have _no_ idea."

"I do… I know. I do." His sincerity, at least, was pure. "I just thought –"

Relena sighed, "All I want is a reason. I don't care what kind of bullets you used, or what his last words were, or even how long it took for his heart to stop functioning." She lifted the cup of tea to her lips, her hands trembling slightly, "I just want to know why." She murmured into it, before taking a sip that burnt its way right down her throat.

"The reason?" Duo shook his head - how stupid would he sound to say it was all because he loved her. Because he wanted her to be free, to realise she could live without that bastard. A class act of idiocy … all he had done was ruin her life. How could he have thought that murdering the one person she loved left, that it would help her?

_Stupid, selfish, jealous motherfucker,_ his mind cursed him, _What did you expect her to do? Thank you?!_ He mentally groaned. Of all the people he had killed, of all the acts of rage and injustice he had committed, this would be the only one he had come out of scathed.

"Why didn't you turn me in, huh?" At the drastic subject change, Relena's eyebrows rose, and her posture stiffened. She hadn't expected that kind of question from him. Hell, she hadn't even asked herself that.

"I … I don't know." She fiddled with the hem of her dress, avoiding his gaze. "I was just in total shock. For weeks." The young woman took another unsteady sip of her tea, "I trusted you, Duo. As much as I did, Heero, I trusted you. And of all the things – Oh fuck." She jumped from her chair, avoiding the burning liquid she had spilt. It had landed on the carpet, a fact she scowled at. Carpet stains were always a bitch to get out.

The two stared at it for a moment, not sure of what to say, and wary of the affects their words – if said at all – might bring.

"I-"

"Maybe –"

They both began speaking at the same time, and then abruptly stopped. Duo chuckled nervously, "You first, princess."

Relena's eyes narrowed at his title for her, but she didn't dwell on it. "I think maybe we should get out of this house, if you want us to talk at all." She glanced through the floor length window that looked down to the gardens. "This _is_ where it happened, after all."

{…}

_"It's such a lovely party you've arranged, Relena," Cathy told me, inside the ballroom. We stood beside the buffet table, while the couples danced on the other side of the room. They looked so beautiful, spinning around so gracefully in time. But I was focused on the balcony, and also the garden below. There, things were dark, edgy. Heero stood, rigidly composed, staring out at Duo who was disappearing into the twilight._

_"Thanks," I replied to Cathy, unable to tear my eyes away to look at her. He was leaving … Duo was leaving. I couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness – I had been hoping the two could work it out. After all, Duo was always so much fun to have around. He had been as much of a friend to me as he had been to Heero._

_"Hey, what's up?" I felt Cathy's hand on me, and I turned around with an apologetic smile. _

_"Oh, nothing." The lie came easily. "I'm just a bit exhausted after all this planning." I decided to redirect the conversation, "Where's Trowa?"_

_The red-head laughed, "You mean my dearest little brother? He's some place around here, although –" She halted herself, and laughed again. "Well, he's just been acting a bit strange, is all. But I suppose that's normal." She shrugged, and I nodded. Trowa always seemed quite odd to me, what with his continuous silence. _

_Unable to help myself, I sneaked another quick look at the garden. Duo was nowhere to be seen. I fought to keep the frown off my face. It may be his birthday, but Heero had no right to just send him off like that. He should've considered other people, such as his fiancé, who had been looking forward to see her old friend again. And the way he always made me laugh … Heero could never make me laugh like that. No one could. I sighed. _

_"Perhaps he knows something about what's going on between Heero and Duo?" I asked, absentmindedly, not really expecting an answer. It was more like thinking aloud. There had to be something there, something that had been simmering between the two for months now, and had finally reached boiling point. _

_Cathy smiled weakly, "Something's definitely wrong in that camp. But … Trowa? I don't know." She gave me an encouraging look, "Maybe. You should ask him."_

_I considered this, and decided for it. I mean, the worst Trowa could do was shake his head in that eternal silence of his, and then mentally curse me for being so stupid. And if he knew something … god, I was desperate. If I could do anything, anything at all to reconcile Heero and Duo's friendship I would._

_"Yeah, I think I'll do that. Be back soon," I kept my tone cheerful and light, winking at her as I left. Maybe I was worrying for nothing… maybe it wasn't as serious as it looked …_

{…}

"Vice Foreign Minister!"

Relena grimaced, and edged back into the darkness of her limo. Why? Why was it so hard to pretend now? Her hand unconsciously moved over to her scarred wrist, latching onto it tightly. She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to see Duo again … Not after what he had done.

"Pagan?" She murmured, sinking back into her seat and closing the door.

"Yes, Miss Peacecraft?"

"I …" She twirled a strand of blonde hair around in her fingers nervously, "I can't go through with this. "I can't see Duo now. Not unless i want to go _totally_ insane" She pushed a hand through her hair, closing her eyes tightly. Behind them silent movies played out, and she only now realised that they had never really stopped. She had always been reliving that scene, since the moment she saw it a whole year ago. "What did I do to deserve this …" She moaned, her head sinking into her lap.

"Back home?" Pagan inquired, ignoring the young woman's questions.

"…No."

"No?" Her answer had surprised them both, but instead of smiling apologetically and changing her mind, _this_ Relena just shrugged and gave into it. She wanted out? Then she was bloody well going to get out. And what better time than when a certain murderer insisted on having business with her.

_Duo … if only you hadn't done it …_

With one last look out at the café, then at the streets around the Sanc Kingdom, she turned back to Pagan, the familiar prick of tears stinging the back of her eyes. She pushed them down; she had nothing to cry for. She had nothing left.

"Just keep driving in the opposite direction of the Sanc Kingdom until I tell you to stop." She forced the words out, staring at her feet. She didn't want to risk seeing Duo outside the window, his gorgeous blue eyes staring at her in confusion. He would look so innocent … It was cruel how the harshest of murderers always did. As was the way he had reduced her to this. Fleeing from a past she had struggled with for so long, and from a man … from a man she wished she had met under different circumstances.

_If only you hadn't …_

_It might have worked out between us …_

{…}

_"Trowa?" I could hear the shyness in my voice, and almost laughed at it. Of all the Gundam pilots Trowa was the only one I had never quite become accustomed to. He was always so silent, cool, and calculating. To me, he was more intimidating than Heero ever was. And that thought, I knew, was absurd because Trowa was so much gentler. Caring. Even so, it took a lot of mental work to remember that as he turned to look at me, his eyes as cold as ice._

_"Hi." I smiled. "Want to take a walk? I want to show you around the grounds."_

_Trowa rose an eyebrow, but shrugged a yes, and I took his arm to lead him. Yeah, I didn't want to show him the grounds – I wouldn't subject anyone to that kind of torture. But I knew we were in the earshot of many, and figured that I'd have better luck getting him to tell me if there weren't people eavesdropping left right and centre._

_"In actual fact," I began my act, walking out of the ballroom, "The garden is over a hundred years old. It's been in my family for generations," The butlers opened to doors for us and we walked into the hallway. Still not safe. Hope he's not too bored yet. "I believe the story goes that my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother started it off with only a few rose bushes! Can you believe –" I dragged him quickly into a deserted room._

_Trowa cocked his head in question. My lip twitched, I must admit I do dislike it when he refuses to speak like this. "Sorry about that, but there's some information I need from you." I waited for the answer that I soon realised wasn't coming, and then charged on ahead. _

_"What is going on between Heero and Duo? Cathy said you might-"_

_"I don't know a thing about it." He stated without a trace of emotion. God, he could be such a good liar, I couldn't tell if he was for real for not. I decided to pretend he wasn't._

_"Tell me everything." I replied, unable to keep the small pout off my face._

_"I told you, I don't know what's going on."_

_"Yes, you do!" I persisted, "You have to!" I winced – I hadn't meant for my voice to come out so whiney. So … desperate. It doesn't suit me._

_Why did I care so much anyway? I mean, I hate to admit it, but if it were Quatre or Wufei that Heero was casting aside, I doubt I'd be half as upset or frustrated. Bleh. I cast the thought aside; I didn't need to feel guilt on top of all this. _

_"They just have some issues they need to work out, Relena." _

_"What? What issues?" Tell me quick, before I am forced to scream. _

_Trowa made a small noise that appeared to be out of either impatience or at his own stupidity for telling me this much. I guess he had thought I would let it go. Funny, I had never picked him to be so optimistic. "Duo's feeling a bit," He paused, searching for the word. "A bit wrong done by. And Heero doesn't give a shit."_

_I frowned, "Care to tell me why?"_

_"Not particularly." He told me as he began to walk away. _

_How rude._

{…}

A/N: omg this is like, the shortest chapter XD sorry guys I was really pushing it for ideas this time. But not out of lack of motivation ;p I actually enjoy writing this one… wonder why… ;;;

Review? Purdy please? –bottom lip trembles-

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